i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
