Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
stop calling my apartment porn island.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
