Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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