the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
