Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
