She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
