the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
