Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
