quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
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