im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
50% drunk capacity currently
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
