okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
