At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
