Jerry, you need to find god
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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