he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
