My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
