Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize