you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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