he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
