Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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