So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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