I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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