my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
