I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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