Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
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