ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i can't believe i had my finger in that
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Still dying that you shit outside
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
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