please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Randomize
