I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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