Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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