In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
