I can't watch pbs sober anymore
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize