Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
