Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Do you still have your period?
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
