Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Randomize
