Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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