So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
