remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
