They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
