Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I accidentally had phone sex last night
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
