my soul wont recognize me after tonight
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
