HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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