dude i'm inner monologue high
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Randomize
