Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
