Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
