do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
