I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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