She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
