please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
