even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
