His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
