dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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