do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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