no, he came in my armpit
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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