Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
