Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
