her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
