everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize