Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
