areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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