Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
