So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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