i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Randomize
