I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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