his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
