Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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