i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
