So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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