did you get engaged???
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
