just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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