Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
