u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
