my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
