I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
