i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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